HRT and perimenopause
Four years ago, at the age of 41, I went to my OBYGN for a check-up. I thought something was wrong with me because my periods had changed so much. They were irregular and extremely heavy and I suspected that I was in perimenopause. However, my doctor assured me that I wasn’t. She said, “You are too young. Your uterus looks like it’s in its 20’s!” I smiled in response, but inside I felt like I wasn’t heard and my experience was invalid. For three more years, my period tampons and pads, trash can, and underwear looked like something or someone had been murdered and feminine hygiene products were used to clean up the mess. On top of my life-consuming period, I had breast tenderness, heart palpitations, increased anxiety, and an increase in my ADHD symptoms. Inside, my mind and body was on a never-ending roller coaster. I went back to that doctor last year and explained in more depth what my period was looking like so she recommended an IUD. Although the IUD has helped with my heavy periods I do wish we had discussed more of my symptoms, but I didn’t really understand them fully myself and midlife wasn’t her speciality.
About six months later I started getting curious about my symptoms and their cause. What was really happening to me? I was in therapy, had purpose in my life, ate healthy, exercised six days a week, rested one day a week, lifted weights 2-3 days a week, meditated… what was I doing wrong? Then doctors from the Menopause Society started to show up in my instagram feed. Hearing from these experts was a game changer for me. I began reading everything I could get my hands on, switched OBGYN’s to a new doctor who specialized in the menopause transition, and I even became a Certified Menopause Coaching Specialist. I also started taking a supplement that seemed to ease my symptoms for a few months. However, my doctor told me that the supplement would likely not work forever and she was right. Six months later all of my symptoms, except period flow and breast tenderness, have become worse than ever.
I make a lot of jokes about my perimenopause symptoms. Laughing at myself makes me feel OK and feel less shame in not being able to function at the level I want to. But in the past month, my jokes no longer worked. I was not OK. I quit the gym I was working at without a concrete plan of where I’d work with my clients, applied to an MFA program, successfully got into the MFA program, and welcomed a puppy into our home even though I have a four year-old dog, two teenagers, and a husband - all of whom are INCREDIBLE! All of that might sound great but I was struggling and in pain. I rarely had energy to make dinner; I struggled to keep track of my clients and their various requests and questions outside of our sessions; I felt lost and miserable; I couldn’t focus or think of the words I needed when I needed them; I had increased incontinence when I already at fairly severe pelvic floor dysfunction; I was gaining weight regardless of my workouts; I was experiencing hot flashes while training my clients at the gym, in my sleep, and when everyone else around me was cold; my tired, achy, and sore muscles and joints became so unbearable that I totally stopped running; and one of the worst symptoms was that in any given moment I could be in a full rage, panic attack, or be drowning in tears. As an athlete, I push through pain and discomfort. I have this attitude that I can handle anything on my own and a woman with my lifestyle, fitness level, and all of this fitness and wellness education should definitely not be having all of these problems. But when my reserve for dealing with my suffering was spent, when any quiet moment brought on a flood of tears, and my desire for running completely disappeared, I knew I needed help.
I discussed my symptoms with my new doctor and she came to the conclusion that it would be a good idea to begin HRT. So, tonight I’m starting on a low dose. I don’t know what will happen but I hope that I will be able to function better and also keep a little bit of that perimenopause spiciness. I won’t document my entire journey, but I will share whatever feels helpful to whoever may be reading. :)
<3 Keely
