My yoga journey: practice and discovery
My introduction to yoga was beautiful. I went with my mom as a teenager to this blue-grey building somewhere in my hometown. The room was long but not wide and it had a balcony space to practice as well. I remember that it felt like a spiritual, loving space. I don’t know why we didn’t go back. I’m assuming my anxiety and fear of being out in the world in a foreign way prevented me from returning. In my life my anxiety was the obstacle that was always in the way of my actions. There was a lot of admiring from the sidelines and wishing I could just be like everyone else. It took so many years to figure out myself and become a stronger woman. Having my own children helped. Finding a career that allowed me to be myself, to grow, to learn, to do things my way… helped. I’d say my true growth, though, arrived when I began meditation and then even more so when I began a yoga teacher training.
Why? Well, I found relief. I was immediately connected to the 8 limbs of yoga. The philosophy wasn’t unfamiliar to me. Actually, it felt normal to me, though I had never before seen or experienced it. Even though I saw myself in the philosophy, I struggled to understand people. How do we live and work in a society where people can be so harmful? This is where my pain lived. Other people. Through the philosophy, I realized that even though I may move in this world a certain way, everyone is on their own journey and it’s not my job to tell them how to be. I can only be me. I’ve found great peace particularly through the yamas (moral restraints, disciplines), niyamas (positive observances), asana (posture), and pranayama (breathing technique). Pratyahara, dharana, and dhyana all feel linked within the practice of meditation - drawing inward, focused concentration, and meditative absorption. Samadhi is everything together; realizing what is, is; not being attached to our habits, emotions, thoughts, suffering, pleasure… and just seeing the reality of life and us as we are.
By no means is this journey without setbacks. I have felt complete peace of body and mind through practice. But I’ve also fallen out of practice which then ensues chaos, it seems. Because of my ADHD and anxiety, I’ve come close to considering medication, but I have found that when I practice I’m able to harness my ADHD, dampen my anxiety and live. My yoga journey is not over. It is just the beginning. I do not feel ready enough to teach the way I hope to teach, but I’m ok with that. I will feel it within, when I am ready. Until then, find a yoga teacher that speaks to you. Develop your practice. Dive into the philosophy. Move and breathe with intention. And find healing, peace, and clarity.
With love,
Keely
