The truth is
The truth is, I got this prompt from a class that I just completed, called Voice of Change with Suzanne Sterling. The truth is, for as long as I can remember, I haven't had a voice. I don't remember how or when or why, but I cannot remember a time when I could find my voice when I needed it. The truth is, the light inside me is always pushing to shine through. When I was 14 I fell in love with running - this was the first step to finding ME. I had a voice when it came to running. I had presence. I was fierce. I was free. Unfortunately, in school and in unhealthy relationships my voice was mostly silent. The truth is, even though my voice couldn’t be heard, my light guided me. I gravitated towards communications, writing, and movement throughout my education because I could always find my voice in those places. I've been a personal trainer/fitness instructor for almost 20 years and am very comfortable in those spaces. It wasn't until I dove deep into yoga practice during covid with amazing teachers, began therapy, and found this class that I've allowed my voice to exist in other spaces. I realized that this whole time, my mind had been holding my voice prisoner out of fear of the unknown, rejection, being wrong... It's not natural, yet, but I'm working every day to set my voice free. I wrote a book that's not coming out till Fall '23 but I've been wanting (for literally years) to start a podcast that goes along with the book before the book comes out - it feels like time, now.
The truth is, I’ve learned a lot about myself. My true self. I speak with a therapist, am in a yoga therapy training, and I study and practice as much as I can. The truth is, I don’t do all of this “work” for myself. I do it all so I can be a better person for those around me. There is power in breath. There is power in movement. There is power in healing. There is power in community. There is power in using your voice with compassion and truth. There is power in cultivating your own light and love and breathing it out to the universe.
The truth is, I don’t have my own community - spiritual, intellectual, or otherwise. In fact, through covid I’ve lost and mourned friendships; a parting of values and spirit. There have been several times when I did feel like a part of a community. Just before covid, I had just begun feeling like I’d found like-minded people but I wasn’t totally feeling the authenticity. The hesitance I felt in this community was fully revealed during covid. They spoke of love, peace, and goodness, yet they didn’t want to wear masks, get vaccinated, and they continued to gather throughout the pandemic. Thanks to a classmate, I now know this term to be “toxic positivity” and “spiritual bypassing”. This group spoke of seeing their “white privilege” yet they wouldn’t take care of their community. And by community, I mean all of it - from the neighborhood you live in and the school you send your kids to, to simply being a part of this world. I didn’t understand why people would speak one way and do the opposite. The truth is, I enjoyed the gatherings but once our values showed up as opposing, I refused to be a part of it. The truth is, some people stay the same, some people ignore their truths, some people put themselves up so high that they can’t see others, and some people need to be so seen and so revered that they don’t care or are completely unaware about the harm they cause around them. The truth is, we all make mistakes. And when we recognize them we need to own them and do better.
The truth is, there are others who only want to spread light. They don’t want people to suffer, so they take all of the precautions necessary to protect others. Sometimes standing tall and grounded takes all of their strength. The truth is, it’s hard to speak. It’s hard to show up. These people love so deeply that you can feel it when you pass them walking down the street or while standing next to them in line at the grocery store. Their light is so bright that others want to squash it, but that’s when they have to shine the brightest. The truth is, there are a lot of lights shining their brightest right now. Each one may be miles away from another or just a few blocks. Wherever you are, I hope you know you aren’t alone. Keep doing everything you are doing with your heart up and light on. Don’t let anything or anyone dull your light. Keep shining bright.
